why

i had the chance to talk to you. i found the perfect excuse. i was there ready and willing. and i was going to talk to you, but then it just hit me and i couldn't. i couldn't bring myself to do it. i couldn't live up to the faults of life (as my friend put it) i'm too much of a chicken shit to live up to the faults of life. i will probably regret not talking to you this day. in life i will regret a lot of the things i did and didn't do, but thats life. i will just have to suck it up and deal with the regrets as they come. ohh these are definitely the words of a stupid person, no doubt about it. but why does this bother me and hurt me so much? why do i still hold this - you close to my heart? why do i put myself through all this shit? for what? why? i don't understand. the past is the past. stay there i tell it, but it doesn't.

it comes up and makes itself my present. i don't want it. go away. you were the one. shit, why does this hurt? i breath easy now that this is all out. but now my worry is what if he reads this? he won't understand why you keep coming up in my mind. heck even i don't understand it. i guess its true. no one dies a virgin, in the end life screws us all.